Black Girl Mom
Why the mother-daughter bond is crucial for healthy attachment in adulthood
Raising girls, was the assignment God gave me. Being a BLACK GIRL MOM has been the most rewarding experiences of my life. I love being a BLACK GIRL MOM!
This blog will give you a few helpful tips and lessons. I've learned raising my 3 girls in our crazy world today.
Attachment is closely related to and overlaps with other aspects of parent-child relationship quality, such as support, warmth, and closeness, but is a distinct theoretically grounded construct linking parental relationships to peer and romantic relationships. Essentially, attachment represents an internalized perception of security in relationships. An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.
Therefore, these four styles of attachment are:
Secure: upset when parent leaves, easily soothed upon return
Insecure anxious: upset when parent leaves, difficult to soothe when they return
Insecure avoidant: does not register outward distress when parent leaves, ignores them when they return
Insecure disorganized: displays anxious and avoidance characteristics in an unpredictable way.
1. Praise and Lift Up Black Girls (daughters)
Black girls need to hear kind words that they are smart and beautiful and that we love and value them. If we do not the wrong people may will get in their ear and will tell them horrible things. Black girls often encounter prejudice, discrimination and racism as they grow up. Moreover, they will have to deal with stereotypes based on the negative media images that often over sexualize black girls. Monitor what they engage in on social media know who their friends are. Set rules while they are young especially with social media as you allow them to have cell phones. Speak positive to them because they will endure a lot of negative images and unkind words.
2. Slow down and be present. Listen to your daughter, even when she is talking about issues that do not seem to be important.
When children know you are paying attention to them, it makes them feel important. And if they always feel that they don’t have your attention, it hurts their self-esteem. Let her voice be heard, and show her that her voice is powerful, important and meaningful to you. Engage your daughter in conversation, encourage her to speak her mind, let her know that her opinions and thoughts are important. It is easy to be so busy that you are moving so fast you miss something important. Stop and listen intentionally.
3. Speak well of other black women!
Did you know? 42 percent of teenage African-American girls with low self-esteem have mothers who criticize their own looks; 53 percent of African-American girl’s ages 13 to 17 turn to their mothers as a resource when feeling bad about themselves compared with 86 percent of African-American girls ages 8 to 12. (Kellee Terrell 2009).
Nothing screams low self-esteem like a woman who is always speaking negatively of others. If you are always gossiping or putting down other women, this will rub off on your children. Women who love themselves and are confident will find more praise to give than negative gossip to spread.
I hope these 3 tips will help you, I am still learning every day as my daughters grow into adult women, I am on a new journey as a black girl mom to adult black women mom. I’ll let you know how this part goes…Pray for me!
References: http://babyandblog.com/2014/03/10-ways-to-build-self-esteem-in-black-girls/
https://www.realhealthmag.com/article/Dove-selfesteem-survey-16222-6882
Me and my girls!